July 20, 2019
Jeff!
How did you do it? I know you got to go to work because you had to support the family so you got to get away with not doing a lot of this shit. But what’s it like to have that many people depending on you? How did you fucking do it?
The only people that depend on me are my cats. And now my mom. She can’t get up I have to help her up and I have to set her down I have to help her walk everywhere. I have to help her shower. She gets mad if I do too much or if I do too little. It’s fucking terrifying to have someone depend on you. It’s just much easier to feed and water and scoop.
And the laundry. Oh my God the laundry! Towels and sheets and towels and sheets oh my God. And folding fitted sheets. Seriously? Whoever invented fitted sheets should be put up against a wall and shot. But now that I think about it, they are kinda handy. Normally, I roll them up and stick them in the closet, but mom wants them folded. She sits in her chair and takes one end, and I always flip the opposite way she flips and she gets mad. Geez. Double geez.
I just wanna know how in the world people manage to have so many kids and live full lives. I must be really really sick that I can’t even wrap my mind around having those kinds of responsibilities. Even though I have responsibilities now. And I seem to be doing OK. But I am so so so not cut out for this role.
I took 10 Klonipin today. At least. I want to take more too but I think I’m just gonna pass out right now. I’m flirting with the death wish again. It’s just so hard to think that this is all there’s going to be indefinitely.
And, as always, if I were getting fucked consistently, I would be a lot more balanced and sane.
Coco
Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash