Then and now and probably always.
July 4, 2020
I’ve been thinking a lot about you today. And what is love. Do I love you? Yes. The answer is a loud YES. How do I love you? That’s the question, though. I love you with everything I have to love, but I don’t want to be with you in real life. I want the memory of our brief times together. I want the memory of who I knew you to be. But I don’t want all of you. I want none of the in real life bullshit. So, is that even love? A very selfish love, perhaps? Or a selfless love? I have no desire to be your destiny. I don’t think we’d be happy. You cheat, I cheat, how could there ever be trust? I’m fucked up, you’re fucked up, and two fuckups don’t make a whole, they make a disaster. In real life requires trust and evenness. We’d have neither. I can live with what is, just the memory of who I knew you to be.
And what am I to you? I want to be someone who walked beside you for a brief time in your life. Someone who made you happy, who made you see yourself for the truly Incredible man you are. Someone whom you remember fondly. That is all. Truly. It is enough.
I do love you so so much. Then and now and probably always.