top of page
  • Writer's picturecocodensmore

The 90 Day Rule

Sexual chemistry is one of the most powerful forces on the planet. It can make you feel all kinds of things that feel like you will feel forever.

I’ve said, “I love you” on a first date. More than once. In fact, many times. Mortifying to admit. I’ve pretty much outgrown that, but as I always tell my nieces, there is no age limit on stupid!

I’ve actually only been in love twice in my life. Once for sure, and the second time is even a bit iffy. That means all those other times that felt like forever love weren’t forever love. If it really is forever love, what’s the hurry? It’s forever!

When you have strong love feelings early on, recognize they are very likely a byproduct of sexual chemistry. That’s not a bad thing. It’s human! Make a conscious choice to let those feelings sit for a while, see if they last.

I have this thing called the 90 Day Rule. When you’ve been dating someone for 90 days and have spent a fair amount of time with them in real life, in a variety of situations with a variety of people, you’re going to have a pretty good idea if you want to be with them long-term.

It’s especially important you see how they react to a stressful or frustrating situation. How angry do they get? Do they have a temper? Only you can decide what is OK and not OK with how your partner expresses anger and frustration. A strong word of caution here. It’s important you know and recognize the signs of abuse, verbal and physical. If you evidence this behavior in your partner, walk away.

If your date is professing his undying love and devotion very early on in the relationship, and you like him a lot, but his declarations make you uneasy, let it sit for a while, see if has staying power. Tell him about the 90 Day Rule then hold him to it! And hold yourself to it, too! If you’re still feeling the same way about one another at the three-month mark, it’s time to talk about the future. And! If you are in love, say it!

If your date is in a committed relationship, and he’s talking about leaving his partner to make a life with you, sorry girlfriend, don’t be buyin’ it. Only about one in twenty men leave their wives for their mistresses. And if they do marry their mistress, about 75% of those marriages end in divorce. I’ve done the research. It is not pretty. Affairs are not pretty. Oh my gosh do I have a lot to say on this one. Yep. I was a mistress. I’ll put it all in my next tell all. Let’s leave it a cliffhanger for the time being, shall we? Spoiler alert! I’m single!

*An excerpt from my book How To Do Single With Dignity and Grace, available on Amazon.

Photo by Glen Carrie on Unsplash



bottom of page