RE: Hand Puppets & Straitjackets
July 16, 2017 RE: Hand Puppets & Straitjackets
I cooked today! Is cooking noodles (without a strainer) and adding sauce from a jar and then cutting up chunks of the Parmesan cheese into the concoction because your last roommate stole your cheese grater thingie dingie considered cooking? (Not certain about that theft, but it would be funny and ironic wouldn’t it?)
Well, I’m saying I cooked. There was a hot burner involved vs. a microwave. That’s the definition. So HA! I should do it more often…. but…. nah. Not unless I have too…
And while I was eating, I had this fabulous conversation with some totally flustered kid online that was born in 1984. Good lord. 1984. The year I graduated college. He was either totally flustered by what I was saying or he was multi-tasking, speaking to some lovely younger lady that was actually more interesting than me. Hard to imagine, isn’t it? Let’s go with the former. Boosts my ego a bit. Shock value is one of my specialties.
Shit damn I’m in a good mood right now! More lithium at table 1! I don’t think this old lady has any underwear on!
I am not manic, honest to God to God to God to God. I haven’t been manic since before I was admitted to the hospital. As long as I’m consistent on my meds, particularly the lithium, I don’t get manic. I go the other way, deep depression and sleep too much, but I’m scheduling things out so I have a reason to get up and be normal, i.e., leave the fucking apartment. It doesn’t always work… I’m alone. It’s hard for me to be alone. I do better with a roommate, one that’s fun, one that’s also a friend.
This email goofiness represents normal me. I used to call it The Full Coco. This is how I used to be, before I was so sick. I wasn’t this way all the time, but I was this way when I was around people, having fun, enjoying making people laugh, just being me. And I especially had a work persona, I was professional, well spoken, analytical and so forth. Not perfectly so, but I had it pretty much down. I don’t know where professional Coco went. I hope she comes back soon so I can get a job.
I haven’t been The Full Coco consistently for a long time. Months. I can still be funny, but my heart is sad and sick inside. It’s an act. It’s an act I put on so people won’t leave me because I’m so sad. Oh shit damn how fucking morbid is this little speech here? Moving on…
Long story short, I’m not manic! So do not call the men in the white coats. I’ve slept with them all anyway and I made them wear straitjackets and I dressed their penises up like hand puppets. Kidding. About the straitjackets and hand puppets part…
Photo by Volha Milovich on Unsplash