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  • Writer's picturecocodensmore

I'm 58 and so is my vagina


Yes, I'm having a few trubs with The Vintage Treasure Box as of late. But I'm working through it, because I REFUSE TO GIVE UP PASSION AND SEX. I refuse to dishonor myself by throwing in the towel when it's only been the last five or so years I finally freed myself up from sexual shame and started living my truth.

I was googling up on "pain with penetration and how to teach your partner to open you up" - and other variations on that sex search, and came upon the Betty Dobson & Carlin Ross website. I've been down the rabbit hole all afternoon on this wonderful site with a treasure trove of open, honest, real information about female sexuality and orgasm.

I emailed Ms. Ross:

RE: I'm 58 and so is my vagina

Ms. Ross,

I have no issues with lubrication, but I'm tight. Always have been. Now, I've lost elasticity and I've started on estrogen cream. I have a new partner, he's younger, afraid he'll hurt me, and it does hurt a bit, at first.

I was trying to explain to him how to insert his fingers and pull down and open me up a bit. Because once I'm open and relaxed, I LOVE IT. And I want it. He's never been with an older woman. We are different. No getting around the facts.

Is there a video or an article I can send him to teach him the technique for opening up a tight vaginal opening with his fingers? Yes, toys, yes, all that. But one finger, then two fingers is most preferable for me.

I am using vaginal dilators. And just started the cream. It's going to take a while for that all to kick in.

Thank you!


Ms. Ross responded:

The best way to teach your partner how to stimulate your body is to stimulate it yourself. Figure out how and what you like and then guide them in the moment. It's a bit unfair to put that on your partner. The fact that he doesn't want to hurt you speaks volumes - good guy.

I hate dilators. It's not about pulling it open but having weight in your vagina - and stimulating your clitoris while you're penetrating. Painless penetration is about arousal and being in control.

Pick up one of our barbells - it comes with instructions - and try it yourself. Then you can guide your partner through the steps:


I'm getting it! The problem is, I'm my mother's full time caregiver, and the highlight of her day is getting the mail. I let her open all the packages, hers and mine. I can only describe her response to my letting her open my packages as giddy and gleeful. I can't take that away from her!

So, she bought my story the vaginal dilators from Amazon were prescribed medical equipment (which they kinda were as my doctor pulled them up on the internet and we discussed options and usage during my last visit), but I can only imagine her reaction if she sees this quite terrifying looking piece of equipment.

Gotta find a sex positive masturbation loving feminist in Lewis County to whom I can have it mailed. Hmmmm... I'm sure there is one... At least one...

Update: I found one sex positive masturbation loving feminist in Lewis County and the barbell is in the mail!

Check it out: Betty Dobson and Carlin Ross were featured in Season 1, Episode 3 of Gwyneth Paltrow's The Goop Lab, The Pleasure is Ours. Highly recommended watch!



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