Most dating sites don’t allow the exchange of pictures. And if they do, exchanging intimate pictures may go against their community rules. Be cautious of that. Getting banned from a site is devastating! It’s happened to me because of a boob picture! Not worth it! It was one of my favorite go to sites!
If you’re unable to exchange pictures on the dating site, that leaves messaging apps and then, text messaging phone to phone.
Before I exchange pictures outside of a dating site, I may give my match specific instructions to take a selfie and send it back to me. If they get mad about it, block their ass. Once you’ve moved off the dating site, no legitimate match will ever have an issue proving they’re legitimate. Plus, proving they’re legitimate is a great step towards getting your pictures! And most men are on that like white on rice!
Giving selfie instructions serves two purposes. First, you can match the selfie to their profile pictures. And second, you know they’ve taken the picture right then because they’ve followed your instructions. Don’t make your instructions too easy. A lot of people ask their matches to hold up two fingers. Ask for something a bit different. Ask them to hold their hand over their head. Or ask them to hold their hand over their heart.
Now, how do I feel about the exchange of intimate pictures? Well, I do it. I jokingly say my breasts are on the internet in every country. That’s probably a lot closer to the truth than it isn’t. So, here’s the deal. Every woman has breasts. I have breasts. Those are my breasts. So what!
Keep in mind, you may very well be confronted with your intimate pictures at some point in the future. And people you’d prefer not to see those pictures might see them. Once your pictures are out there, they’re out there. If your match says he deleted them out of respect for you, well, ya right. He may share your pictures with his friends. He may post them online. Those are the risks. Only you can determine if those are risks you’re willing to take.
There are many many many reasons not to share intimate pictures. And there certainly was a time in my life I would have been horrified to know how casually I share pictures now. In fact, not that long ago at all. I am no longer in the business world, and it’s widely known I write extensively about my sexual adventures, so the stakes for me are very low. I also don’t plan to run for public office, not with the skeletons in my closet! And I’m single, I’m not in a monogamous relationship with a partner that does not know I’m on a dating site. So, again, the stakes for me are very low.
There is no expectation you share any pictures with anyone ever! Only you can determine what you feel comfortable with. It’s a very personal decision. Very personal. Remember, too, just because you’ve shared in the past, doesn’t mean you can’t change your ways going forward. You are in control of your life. You can rechart your direction at any time.
I will say, to the degree possible, don’t judge. Every person has a different and unique way of expressing themselves. If you don’t want to share pictures, don’t! I respect that. I don’t expect you to agree with my behavior, but please don’t judge me. Who among us is perfect and perfectly chaste? None of us. And there’s a bit of sex seeking in all of us, to one degree or another, or we wouldn’t be on a dating site at all. So, just be cool.
Photo by Womanizer Toys on Unsplash
*An excerpt from my book, Empowered Online Dating, available on Amazon.