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Conversation with Cinci Joe RE: Loneliness

August 31, 2020


Me:


I try not to watch chick flicks. Sometimes I cry a lot at the end because I’m lonely. Unhappy endings are better. Because then I’m not crying for me. Wow. Fucking profound. I did not know that about myself. Make sense now.


Cinci Joe:


Being alone is an undeniable physical reality. Do you think being lonely is mental? Are we lonely because we allow ourselves to be lonely?


Me:


I go months without human touch. Months. It’s not healthy. We’re designed for relationship. The body craves touch and the mind craves connection. I’m not getting enough of either and it’s taking a toll. So it’s both physical and mental. It’s your personality that dictates how acutely you experience loneliness. You can try to occupy your mind, but that’s temporary. Loneliness can take you down.


Loneliness isn’t necessarily cured by romantic love. That’s a big fairy tale mind fuck. Although, from what I gather, there is nothing quite compares to the benefit of finding a life partner; a soulmate. Or children. I’ve had neither so I don’t know. Do you get lonely?


Cinci Joe:


I get a lot of things, but I find that not giving the negative stuff too much attention helps. Then accepting what has to be done helps for some stuff. And doing something, working towards the answer for the rest is best. First, because after the problem is solved or overcome it becomes apparent that the problem wasn’t so big, certainly not insurmountable. Finally, overcoming things is rewarding. I think lasting happiness is largely the result of the sum of the challenges we have overcome.


Me:


I think too, your level of resilience. I think a lot about that. Can you become more resilient? Or are you simply born with a certain amount?


Cinci Joe:


Happiness is the result of doing the things that need to be done, when, or before, they need to be done. Glum is the result of not doing the things that need to be done, especially those things that we know we need to do or should do.


Me:


That is true, unless your brain chemistry is off. In which case you can work towards achieving peace of mind but it may be beyond your grasp physiologically. So it’s the existential question coupled with biology.


Cinci Joe:


What about Stephen Hawking? He had every reason to be unhappy but wasn’t.


Me:


He wasn’t bipolar. I just watched the movie. He was incredible. But not mentally ill. Have you seen the movie? He suffered immensely. I don’t believe he wasn’t unhappy all of the time. He was certainly very resilient.


Also, throw in early childhood trauma, in my case sexual abuse. It affects brain development and exacerbates mental illness.


It’s a tangled web. Much can be overcome in life through attitude and commitment to doing the hard work. But not everything. Much easier to pretend existential pain is resolved by a good fucking. Which is a temporary reprieve, albeit an excellent one.

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