November 23, 2017
Thanksgiving Day
It is nearly 6 pm. I have been bracing to be alone today for days. I’m eating a ham and cheese sandwich. On Thanksgiving. Well, isn’t that just marvelous.
I cut off all ties with Jeff today. On Thanksgiving Day. I am so dramatic with the symbolism and all… I feel low and empty, but not so low and empty I want to die. Although my mind does dart there every few minutes. But I don’t rest long in that dark place.
It’s actually rather an anti-climactic feeling, cutting off relationship with Jeff. It happened in both of our minds and our hearts several weeks ago. The email is more of a formality than anything. I started to face the truth of things pretty early on. And the truth just grew in power and eventually became real, because it is real.
Letting go of the lie that makes you happy, that you think makes you happy, is deathly terrifying. But once the release is underway, calm is the reward. The calm of nothingness. A nothingness inside of me. Which I must now learn to fill with good and right things.
But at least the poison is out.
