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  • Writer's picturecocodensmore

You know, I'm single and I get it. So what the fuck is wrong with these married women?

July 13, 2017 Email to Jeff

So I have this question for you. If your wife makes you sleep in the basement, why are you trying to keep it a secret from her you have women friends? Why do wives that withhold sex from their husbands assume they will not stray? Especially when there are women like me out here waiting for that absolutely intense and incredible attention we get from married men and we just eat it up? I wouldn't call myself a vulture, but I would definitely say I was susceptible to attention from married men. Very susceptible.

You know, I'm single and I get it. So what the fuck is wrong with these married women?

And what’s with married women never trying something as basic as anal sex? Or ass play in general? Sheesh. Are married women that naïve and narrow minded and inexperienced? Because who is reading this fucking Fifty Shades of Grey shit? Because if you're reading Fifty Shades of Grey you should know about ass play for goodness sake.

Shit goddamn I've never even been married what the fuck.

The other thing women do is fucking nag nag nag nag nag. That is one thing I never wanted to be and that was a nag. You just don't have to nag; you either accept the situation or you walk away from it. You can't badger somebody into looking at a situation like you do. If that actually worked, you could get a college degree in Nagging.

And clearly I adhere to this philosophy because I will occasionally throw a temper tantrum and email yell at you and bitch at you and try to get you to do something I want you to do and then I'll think about it and I'll basically apologize and tell you to be yourself. Although that entire cycle is not really necessary with you, because you don’t do a goddamn thing you don’t want to do with regards to me anyway. But that’s good. I do not want a goddamn fucking puppet for a lover. That would be boring. I want a man who knows his own mind and is willing to stand up to me and say NO, as annoying as that can be.

Hey does your wife know where you are every minute of every hour, 24 hours a day? Is that normal for being married? That is so weird to me. How can people live like that? I would run away. Hey maybe I'm not cut out to be married because I need like half an hour or 45 minutes here and there where I don’t have to fucking call my husband and tell him where the fuck I am. Trust. Trust. But I suppose if you're not giving your husband the pussy, you must know where he is all the time because you know he might cheat.

I don't know I'm going on and on here and I'm not even manic. I’m just eating a pork chop. I don't know what this is all about. I just get mad sometimes because I'm single and I'm not supposed to know fuck all about how marriage works and I look at my married friends and I think would you pull your fucking head out of your ass because you're going to ruin things if you keep doing that. And usually the guy is a really good guy. Like you, you motherfucker.

OK so I'm on a roll here I'm just going to keep going. You don't read this shit anyway, you only read the first three fucking paragraphs.

When you are lucky enough to find a man that is a good man, a good husband and a good father, why would you not bust your ass every which way you could to make him happy? Sure you're going to have times when you make each other crazy and that is the time when you escape to Starbucks for four hours to work on your book. Without telling him specifically where you are, without checking in every fucking hour. You would just say hey babe got to get out of here need some alone time, going to ______________ (fill in the blank because it doesn’t really matter what you fill in the blank with), I'll see you in a few hours.

And if you say you’re going to Starbucks and instead you go to Macy's, do you have to fucking call your husband and go I'm not at Starbucks I'm at Macy's I'm going to buy socks, do we have enough money in the checking account to buy socks?

Maybe I’m not going to be a good wife, I don't know. I think if I find the right guy I'll be a good wife. But if he's trivial and banal I'll have to kill him. I also think it's a lot lot different when you get married later in life, because you've watched all your friends fuck up their marriages 1 2 3 times and you at least know what not to do.

And apparently, I know a heck of a lot more about sex than the average married woman. Which is pathetic. Because you can watch a couple a pornos and know what I know. What the fuck.

Thanks for listening. I feel better now.




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