When you risk getting involved in a relationship, there are times it is not going to work out. No matter who ends the relationship, it’s hard for everyone. There are things you can do to minimize the damage, and most importantly, minimize regrets.
When it’s not your choice to end the relationship, you may act out in ways that are not only self-sabotaging but may make the opportunity for civility moving forward highly unlikely. You may negate your chances of ever having closure, and that’s been the most painful outcome for me. So, here’s another thing to remember: NO SUDDEN MOVES!
If you’re able, if you’ve come to understand knee jerk reactions aren’t smart, wait a day. Then another day. Then, perhaps, a third day. Longer if it’s prudent. Give yourself a bit of time. Let your mind do the work for you, let your mind process the event and begin to come to terms. After the tumult has settled, take another check on your heart and decide what you want to do. You may decide no action is the best course. I guarantee you, if you allow your emotions to cool, you will make far more self-honoring choices.
Always remember, you get to choose how you frame an event and what significance it has in your life. You have control over that. It might not feel like it for a very long time, but you do have control over that.
So, take your time and don’t assume you have to heal up fast. There are stages of grief; getting over a great loss is iterative, not linear. Yes, time heals, but wounds can reopen. Reliving the pain of loss may feel like a setback, but it is not.
Be patient with yourself, it takes as long as it takes. And that is right and good.
“People should not judge failed love affairs as failed experiences, but as part of the growth process. Something does not have to end well for it to have been one of the most valuable experiences of a lifetime.” -Ethel Person
*An excerpt from my book How To Do Single With Dignity & Grace, available on Amazon.