• cocodensmore

You dug into me deep and healed some decades old wounds.

December 22, 2017 Email to Syn


Well last week I lost my fourth job in a year. I’m seeing a neuropsychiatrist next month and having neuro psych testing, so hopefully I can get to the bottom of the issue. I stopped taking the lithium and started taking B vitamins the neurologist prescribed, which I thought was a bunch of hooey, but strangely enough, my memory has improved. And my depression as well.


I have two good job prospects supporting healthcare systems, which is what I’ve done for 30 years, so I’m hopeful. The management company here is still working with me. I owe them several thousand in back rent, but they moved me into a studio with seemingly no immediate plans to evict me. They know my earning potential and I was spot on with rent for over 18 months.


I’m still plugging away at my memoir. I took a class a couple years ago from a woman in Tacoma. It was an adult continuing ed class and she is an editor and writer. I have been in contact with her about my memoir, but her father just passed, so it’s not at the top of her list. However, I still have so much work on the document… It’s probably best things don’t move too fast.


Jeff, the number one Married Man Motherfucker — I cut him loose on Thanksgiving in a very dramatic way… And then a few days later I emailed him and told him I missed him, and he fucking emailed me back. I HATE when that happens!!!! So, I’ve still got that albatross hanging around my neck. We’re friends, online only, the affair is completely laid to rest, buried deep and may it rest in peace. But as long as we communicate, I feel tied to him. I don’t like it. But I can’t seem to stop. I’m thinking I will in time. Hopefully sooner rather than later. We both need to move on with our separate lives. Fucking hard as hell because we’re pretty much best friends online. As best of friends as we can be online.


Of course, he knows everything about me because I’m a fucking open book. But I don’t want to be any other way. Being closed is sad to me, because you miss out on so many opportunities to connect with people in a meaningful way. I know so little about him. He is very closed, or maybe just very closed to me. But I know enough about him to love him and that’s enough.


You were and are very special to me and you helped me tremendously during a very difficult time in my life. You made me see myself differently than I had ever seen myself before and that was a tremendous gift. You undid a lot of the damage my father did to me. I don’t know if you realize that. You dug into me deep and healed some decades old wounds. I will always be grateful.


I wish you and your family all good things.


Be Well,


Coco

Photo by Cristian Escobar on Unsplash

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