December 14, 2022
I wonder why I am so triggered. I think primarily because if you read more of my work, you'll see the affair is so far in the past the only reason why I post stuff about it is because it makes money on medium. The stuff that's really important doesn't get the hits. And if I can make money on the prurient stuff, people will read the critically important stuff. But some people just want to see the worst of me and stick to the stuff about the affair. And those are the people that are so quick to put me into a box, to not see the whole of me. Those are the people that jump to conclusions about a person's character based on a narrow aspect of who they were and how they behaved for a period of time in their past. We are so much more. We are a whole big ball of hot mess. And incredibly lovable in spite of it. Judge not and all of that. But for God's sake, let people grow and change and improve instead of pigeonholing them as "evil" based on behavior of long ago.
This type of snap to judgment showcases the fact even intelligent thinking people, of whom this woman is one based on her writing, succumbs to the basest of human instinct: to put others in the category of Others. It's what liberals despise most in the right, not realizing we do the exact same thing. It's cancel culture. And I'm as guilty of it as anyone else.
I'm triggered and I'm angry and I'm hurt. Because I perceive I've been misunderstood, judged, and marginalized once again. Alas. I better get used to it. I'm not going to stop putting the ugliest of who I am out for public consumption. Because it's real and it's honest and it furthers my goal to share my experiences with others that suffer mental illness as I do. I want people to understand you can do things that go against your Truth and not self-condemn.
