Why did Jeff cheat?
July 13, 2018 Journal Entry
Watching a documentary on why people cheat. No two answers are the same. There are the obvious conclusions, but there is always that mysterious ingredient, the one that pushes you over the line.
Why did Jeff cheat? I don’t really know. I have some guesses. The most obvious reason is that he slept in a separate bedroom from his wife. He wasn’t having sex with her, or at least not regularly. Then the stresses brought on by the children. He also crossed paths with me, assumed I was flirting with him (I was not), and hopped on that opportunity. I think he was bored with his life, felt trapped. He wanted attention, wanted to be adored, and I was ready, willing, and able to do that for him. I worshipped the man, almost from the get. I think he wasn’t getting any validation for the goodness in him, and that is something we all so desperately need.
Perhaps he felt he had no control in his marriage, and conversely, he had complete control in our affair. That’s heady stuff. He was passive aggressive; the cheating was a silent but powerful act of aggression towards his wife. It was exciting to be doing something wrong, something that went so against what he stood for. The risk was so incredibly high, it fed his ego to be able to engage and get away with it. I also think once the threshold was crossed, it became easier and easier each time.
I do not think it came naturally for him to break his marriage vows. I think he had to consciously, and with much effort, override his true character to cheat, and to keep on cheating. I know it was a huge struggle for him each time we were together, because we were together so few times, and there was so much time between our meetings. He always expressed his regret after sex. I don’t think it was a habit for him, in fact, I believe I was the first he actually went “all the way” with, although there had been flirtations previously.
I don’t know if he’s continued with cheating. I would like to think not, I would like to think it was an anomaly, with me, and that his true character does not allow him to continue doing wrong.