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  • Writer's picturecocodensmore

When you expect to find the best in people, you will most often find it.

September 11, 2023

I was, for so long, for most of my life, so patient. If people crossed boundaries, I’d let them. Then in the last few years, I’d tell them. Then I’d give them another chance. And another, sometimes years and years of chances. And finally, I’d find some way to wriggle out of the relationship.

Well, I may have “wriggled” out the first few times, then I got stronger and more deliberate. Now I give a warning, and sometimes a second chance, sometimes another, and another warning and then I’m out. I’m not just talking about dating relationships; I’m talking about friendships as well. Casual connections, too.

I’ll not tolerate lying and I’ll not tolerate disrespect. I’ll not tolerate someone treating me poorly. I’ll not tolerate someone losing their patience with me, over and over. Sometimes, because everyone loses their patience sometimes, but not as a pattern. I don’t deserve that. I’ll not tolerate someone who doesn’t see the whole of me as a person of great value, as worthy.

I’ll not tolerate someone who denigrates my beliefs. I’m not so inflexible I won’t listen to another’s point of view, particularly of those with whom I have a trusting relationship. Presented with compelling evidence, I can and do change my mind. I have changed my mind about a lot of beliefs I held so dear for so long. If there’s evidence to the contrary, and a belief is not serving me well, I will let it go. I will adopt a new mindset.

Maybe this is anger. Maybe I’m doing this slash and burn of relationships and connections that just don’t work for me anymore because there was so much of my life where I compromised and settled for less than I deserved. Maybe this is all a backlash, and I’ll settle down in a bit, and go back to being the patient and gracious person I was before.

I’m more angry with myself than anyone else, for compromising and for letting abusive people into my circle. Certainly, I take responsibility for my piece in the failure of so many relationships. I don’t always choose well, and I can be too trusting. And yet, that’s an aspect of who I am I won’t let go. I do believe, firmly believe, that when you expect to find the best in people, you will most often find it. But occasionally, you will be sorely disappointed. And hurt. Sometimes deeply.

I don’t think I will always be this angry. And I do think I’ll be patient and gracious again, but it will be different. I’ll be showing others dignity and respect because all are worthy and deserving of that. But I won’t be letting others fail to treat me in the way I am equally worthy and deserving of being treated.

I’m growing and changing and becoming more of who I always have been. I don’t know what happened that put me on a new path. I released self-loathing and self-hate, and gained self-respect and self-love. It’s late in coming, but apparently, it takes as long as it takes.

I Persevere. And life goes on.

“Your job on Earth, therefore, is not to learn (because you already know), but to remember Who You Are. And to remember who everyone else is.” — Neale Donald Walsch



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