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  • Writer's picturecocodensmore

What do YOU want in a partner?

Make a list of the traits you’d like to find in a partner. Here’s a list I made quite some time ago:

"39-57, professional, non-smoker, no pot, not married (preferably never married or widowed), no little whiny kids, over 6', not bi, no facial hair, no excessive tattoos, no piercings, omnivore, little middle aged belly, doesn't go to the gym (that's just twisted), reads books, knows about Jane Austen and Kurt Vonnegut, doesn't mind a chick flick now and then, doesn't watch much TV but loves documentaries, great conversationalist, loves to talk politics and history, spiritually inclined, faithful, wants sex every day, likes to play sex games and try new stuff (no pain no degradation), always cuddles and talks after sex, knows everything about me, even the bad stuff and loves me anyway, is nice to my cats, calls me pet names, supports me 100%, would defend me to the ends of the earth, is my family, is my best friend."

That list still holds true three years after I wrote it. The difference is, I’m no longer actively looking for this man. I’m meeting people and having fun now. Sure, I’d like to find someone with all these traits, but I never will. And that’s OK. I’m not looking for Mr. Right. I’m not looking for anyone, truly. But I am open to finding Mr. Right For Me.

Make a list of everything you want in a partner. Just be realistic and know you’ll never find a match that meets all your qualifications. Write them down anyway. But be very clear on your “must haves”. This will guide you as you get to know your match. You’ll know soon enough whether he has enough “must haves” that you’re comfortable pursuing the relationship.



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