This is the follow up to Love, sex, and a whole lot of confusing other stuff - Part I.
Part I took on a life of its own. It was supposed to be about how love has meant different things to me during the different phases of my life. Instead, it turned into a recounting of all the significant relationships I've had. It wasn't a fun write and it wasn't a fun read.
In Part II, in keeping with the theme in Part I, I was planning to write all about Married Man being my third Great Love. I was dreading getting all fucked up sad as shit about that fucking affair, AGAIN. Then I went through some old writing, found this lovely piece, and decided to change direction.
This sums it up perfectly, how I love now, and I've felt this way for a while. I got hold of this wonderful way of love way too late. But I've got hold of it now. Such a peace it brought me, to experience giving and receiving this most rewarding enduring kind of love. Rich rich love.
No one should be frightened when I tell them I love them. The kind of love I gift is the best kind of love, the kind all of us should receive, regularly, and be able to receive, graciously.
August 21, 2020 Journal Entry
I don’t really fall in love anymore. I meet a man, get to know him, then end up loving him. It’s not the same kind of love – it’s not the happily ever after kind of love. It’s a love borne from a deep affinity and appreciation of the other person. It’s not a controlling kind of love. It’s not a love that expects anything in return.
I maintain falling in love is its own reward. But now I think not falling in love, but having the capacity to love, as unconditionally as humanly possible, is the most rewarding of all experiences. And to love without expecting anything in return is the most freeing of life’s experiences.
It took me decades to get to this place, but I’m so happy I finally arrived. No longer needing a partner is such a tremendous relief. Yes, I’d love to find one, but it has to be the right one. Not perfect, just right for me. And if he never comes around, that’s fine too. My life is filled with incredible men and women, who love and support me, who stick by me no matter what. It’s really all I could ever ask for.
[Originally published 7/28/2022]