November 19, 2023
Jeff,
Did you ever hear me? I wonder that. I think you did. But I think you knew you couldn’t do anything about my pain. Except you could have cut it off with me. Motherfucker. But I was unsafe, completely unsafe, so I would have told your wife. Maybe not. But I didn’t think I was capable of it then and I did it. So maybe you didn’t end it because you were afraid I’d tell your wife. Either way, I wasn’t safe. Dumbass. You must have known it would have a disastrous end.
Goddamn you.
Wow, I guess I’m still angry. HA! At least I’m capable of being angry with you, instead or excusing you and rationalizing all of it.
You nearly destroyed me. I nearly died.
I sure hope you’ve got your fucking life together. I really do. Ya, I obliterated your existence. For a time. And I’m sorry about that. Mostly, I hate myself for what I did to your wife and your daughter. But I don’t feel guilty anymore, because OMFG it was a joint effort. And now I’m angry.
But my anger will pass. Because it has been six years. Six years. I never thought I’d get over you, over the pain. But I have. For the most part. Until I read this and get triggered all over again. Relive all the ugliness all over again.
You know what would be really nice? If you fucking apologized.
I won’t hold my breath.
I do hope you are well, that things smoothed over and worked out for you. And I hope you’re having sex with your wife. And I hope you’re not dabbling with things when you shouldn’t be dabbling. I hope you’re not that selfish anymore. And I hope you never hurt someone like you hurt me, and your wife. Because that was the shittiest thing you could do. I hope you spend the rest of your life minimizing regrets by doing the right thing, by staying true to your commitments, to your family. Because that affair is a blight on your soul.
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