Some people actually meet, fall in love, and get married. (Hard to believe but true.)
Some people actually meet, fall in love, and get married.
How do you know if it’s right?
Hell if I know! The only time I was ever engaged, I called it off. For me, it’s never been right. Nonetheless, and not at all surprisingly, I have a lot of opinions on the subject!!!
If marriage is your primary goal, and you’re chugging full speed ahead single mindedly, bad things can happen. You may let infatuation and sexual chemistry drive your decision making. You’re hot on him, he’s hot on you, you’ve been dating two weeks and he gets this wonderful spontaneous idea to fly to Vegas TONIGHT! And you, in a moment of complete loss of all sensibility, say “YES!!!” If this ever happens, make him pay for the flight, hotel, and everything else! Why should you go in the hole when it was his idea?!
Sometimes, marrying early on in a relationship works. I’ve heard of couples married two weeks after meeting that have been married for decades. There are wonderful, exciting romantic movies about this phenomenon! But let’s face it folks, most of these marriages don’t last. If they do last, they usually aren’t happy.
If you have children, all your relationship issues are compounded. Any decision you make not only affects you, but also your children. There are no guarantees in life, not in relationships, and not in marriage. Half of marriages end. Divorce is difficult for everyone but tends to be especially hard on children. Don’t rush. You can never be 100% confident your marriage will last until death, but you can take the time you need to build a solid relationship before you make a lifetime commitment.
Marriage is a wonderful thing when it’s with the right person. If you meet someone, take as long as you need to develop a solid relationship before making a decision. Don’t get married because you want to be married. Don’t get married because it’s time to have children. Don’t get married because you have incredible chemistry with someone. Get married because you’ve found the right person for you. Get married because you’ve found your best friend and you want to spend your life with him.
You’re engaged, embroiled in planning your wedding, and thousands of dollars have already been spent. Then you realize you’ve made a horrible horrible mistake. You’re not ready, he’s not the right guy, but mostly, it just doesn’t feel right. You feel weird and you just keep feeling more and more weird as each day passes. Finally, you admit to yourself it just isn’t going to work.
Friends and family may give you the “cold feet” talk, and that’s all well and good. But if your unease persists, you would do well to pay attention.
Marriage is for life. Think about that. It’s better to leave someone at the alter than go through with something that is not right for you. Ideally, you’ll call things off long before you’re standing in front of the vicar. But if you don’t, so be it. If you know it’s not right, turn yourself around and walk out of that church!
No one’s life will be ruined, I promise! In a year, your friends will have forgotten a lot of the details. Aunt Agnes will not remember she couldn’t return that blender. Your foiled nuptials may well have turned into everyone’s favorite inside joke. The people that love you will always support your life choices. If they’re laughing, they’re laughing to affirm you, not ridicule you.
And as for money, money is one of the easiest things in life to replace. It goes and it comes. And it goes and it comes again. Your peace of mind and your happiness are worth far more than any amount of money spent on something that was never meant to be.
An excerpt from my book How To Do Single With Dignity and Grace.