Nah. Fuck that. You're not that special.

March 26, 2017 Email Exchange with Jeff

Jeff,

Normally, although we really don't have enough history to establish a definitive pattern, but normally you would have emailed me yesterday. Validating me. Affirming me. I expect that. I don't expect much, but I really thought you would do that.

Maybe you feel guilty and you didn't want to email me because your feelings are mixed and you're trying to sort through.

Or maybe you're jealous? I could only hope. I'd give it all up in a second. It will be over soon regardless. It's been fun, I can't deny that. I am forever changed in the best ways. But it's for a season not a lifetime. It's not who I am. I'm better.

Or maybe I'm just imagining things. Maybe I'm being silly.

I don't know what I'll do if you're gone from my life, Jeff. It's you. I choose you.

Please God, not now.

Coco

Jeff:

Hello, the other day was great. You hold me on a high pedestal,,, for some reason,,,,, you have a lot going on in your mind, about me,,,, I'm not sure how to process that, however I think u are sexy and I do have fun with u

Me:

Yes, I do hold you on a high pedestal. Very high. You would do well to live up to those expectations. Maybe you're deserving of my admiration and devotion. Maybe not. Let's pretend you are, shall we? (I think you are, actually, I really do in real life think you are.)

Yes, I have a lot going on in my mind. I'm mentally ill. Folks like us are intense and weird and a bit difficult. We don't mean to be. You don't have to process what's in my mind. It's not your problem nor is it your responsibility.

Just follow the married man having an affair rules and email me the day after sex. If you would have emailed me yesterday, my last 24 hours would have been a lot more peaceful and you wouldn't have gotten the weird emails from me. Just be kind. Not too much to ask I don't think.

I'm glad I was imagining things. Because I don't really want to not have you in my life.

You're right yesterday when you said I love fucking. I especially love fucking you. I only wish it were more often.

I'm validated and affirmed. I'm good now. Thanks.

Love,

Coco

P.S. Can we do it again today or tomorrow? I'll clean the bathroom... I might even put some of my clothes away. I could clean the kitchen. Nah. Fuck that. You're not that special.