Married Man Rules
1. Don’t ever expect to see him, even if he says he is coming over. Something usually comes up.
2. If you do see him, don’t expect to spend very much time with him. He’s fitting you in. You do not have a regular spot in his schedule. Time he spends with you is stolen time.
3. Don’t ever ask questions about his personal life. If you figure stuff out, it’s OK to tell him you figured stuff out, in a very un-intrusive way. But never ask questions.
4. Don’t ever contact him on LinkedIn.
5. Don’t ever send him a Facebook friend request or message him on Facebook.
6. Don’t ever contact him at work.
7. Don’t ever call or text his cell phone unless he calls or texts first.
8. Email is OK.
9. Don’t ever expect any declaration of his feelings for you. He can’t get your hopes up because he can’t leave his family.
10. Don’t be delusional and think you’re in love with him. If you feel that way, you’re probably just trying to work out your Daddy Issues. Get back into therapy. That’s the place to work out your Daddy Issues.
11. If you are in love with him, keep yourself in check. It’s probably never going to come to anything in real life. You can have your feelings, but keep your behavior under control.
12. Don’t romanticize him. Chances are he’s just a regular guy. Plus, he’s cheating on his wife. Speaks to character. (Speaks to your character too, but let’s not think about that right now.)
13. Don’t over communicate. You’ll look desperate. Try to keep the balance of communication equal. Then you won’t feel like a victim.
14. Try to keep your emails to three paragraphs or less. He doesn’t have the time nor the inclination to read a book.
15. Don’t be a victim. You are choosing this relationship. Nothing is happening to you against your will.
16. Don’t be jealous. He wouldn’t be with you if he was getting what he needed at home. He might sleep with his wife. So what. You don’t have to be monogamous. Get over it.
17. Accept the married man rules. Follow the married man rules. Or you will lose your married man.