September 22, 2022 Journal Entry
I left a comment on a story today. I am often dumbfounded by the words that come out of my unconscious, through my fingers, onto the page. Things I didn’t even know existed within me. Learning so hard earned, statements profound. I like what comes out. All of it. Sometimes it’s sad, troubling, dangerous, ugly. But often it’s wise, honest, real, compelling.
I’ve fought so incredibly hard to get here. Here is not wonderful, but here is better than anywhere I’ve been before. I’m getting better, I’m getting to well. I’ve a long way to go. I try to embrace the fact much suffering lies ahead. I want to believe I will prevail; I will Persevere. I don’t know.
Here is what I said:
I learned so much from my married man. I truly believe I could not have learned the things I learned from anyone else under any other circumstances. There are no accidents, there are no coincidences. We still have choice; it is not all written in the stars. We still must deal with the ramifications of our choices. But he woke me up to the truth of who I am – the good as well as the bad. No affair is ever all bad or all good. It all rests in the in between.
“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”
-Carl Jung
Grizzabella