• cocodensmore

I've Been Stood Up!

This happens. A lot. Unfortunately. I’m not exactly sure why.


I match with a lot of people online. Some I unmatch with pretty quickly. Those I continue in dialogue with either drop or stick. If they’re going to drop, things fizzle out after two or three days. There’s usually no specific reason, it really varies. But it basically boils down to the fact the chemistry isn’t sustainable. One or the other of us just loses interest.


And then there are the men that stick. We stay in communication for a week, perhaps longer, then we start to talk about meeting in real life. And that opens up a whole new phase of negotiation which might last for a couple more days. During that process, something may come up, like an unanticipated deadline at work. That might extend things out a few more days.


The thing I’ve learned is not to push it. Let things play out as they will. No one wants to feel pressured into meeting in real life. Be cool. If things draw out for months, and you get tired of waiting to make a date, end communication. Or, accept the fact he may always be an online only friend.


Once the timing falls into place, the date is made! And it’s time to show up! And you show up! And he doesn’t!


How Long Should I Wait?


I’ll wait twenty minutes. If I’m in a good mood and chatting it up with the bartender, maybe thirty minutes. Any decent person that is going to be more than fifteen minutes late is going to call or text to let you know. If he doesn’t have the courtesy to do that, he’s not worth your time.


Should I Give Him Another Chance?


Your MIA date calls you the following day and acknowledges he stood you up. He has a good reason! He pleads with you to believe him and give him another chance!


Why did he miss the date? Was there a family emergency? Did he get in a car accident? Did his arm get stuck in a woodchipper?


If his reason sounds plausible, i.e., a family emergency, do you get a sense he’s being sincere? I mean, you don’t have to ask for confirmation from his mother or anything, but if he’s really fighting hard to explain what held him up and it’s clear he is really interested in meeting you, give him another chance!


If he got his arm stuck in a woodchipper, No. No. No.



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