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I love it that I live right by the witch store. I should convert.


To Die For Pink Glasses with Blue Stems


December 23, 2023


It’s Christmas Eve Eve.


I’ve had a bottle of prosecco in the refrigerator for a couple of days, decided to pop it. I haven’t really been drawn much to alcohol. But I miss that feeling. I’ll probably not drink the whole bottle, like I normally would, so I probably won’t get that feeling. I’ll have that mild headache, that little bit of queasy stomach. Not worth it anymore. One thing about aging – can’t handle alcohol like I used to. Hangovers absolutely suck. Plus, I never much enjoyed drinking alone, although I’ve done plenty of that. I have always preferred alcohol in a social setting. But that’s so expensive.


Last year at this time I was dating David, and we were drinking way way too much. A lot. I was drinking a lot and he drank a lot and we were superb drinking buddies. I was drinking because of my mother. She drove me to it. Actually, not true. I’m always in control of my consumption. But it sounds so tragic, don’t you think? My mother drove me to drink. She was certainly a factor in my choice to drink…


Today is day 10 since I’ve been in the apartment. My new apartment overlooking the Banfield Pet Hospital on Wiedler in Northeast. That’s how they refer to it here, “Northeast”, “Northwest”, “Southeast”, and so on. You’d think Portland was a large city, but it’s just not. The quadrants are very close in. The distance from my spot in Northeast to my friend Paul’s in Southeast is just over three miles, a 10-minute drive. When I suggest we meet at a bar on Sandy in Northeast, he’ll say, “That’s too far. I don’t want to drive that far.” That absolutely cracks me up.


I drove to Home Depot in Beaverton the other day, a whopping 10 miles. It took me a half hour, as I not so wisely left around 5 pm. To a Portlander like Paul, that’s the equivalent of driving from Seattle to Tacoma. I grew up in Seattle. It’s a half hour to get anywhere and the traffic is horrific. It’s so interesting when our little worlds become big worlds even though we live in such tiny tiny discrete little insulated worlds.


I was going to make myself a Christmas Dinner on Monday, but I cooked the chicken and stuffing this afternoon. (I would have had turkey, but it’s sold out.) Not sure what I’ll do on Christmas. I might go out. There are several bars open on Christmas – one just a block and a half from me. Next door to the witch store. I love it that I live right by the witch store. I should convert. Except the Episcopal church is two blocks away. It’s magnificent. I should go tomorrow. I bet they have a special service. I checked. Yep, they do. We’ll see if I can do it. I have a hard time in the morning, and a hard time going to church alone. I don’t know why, exactly. I do things alone all the time. Just not church. I just need to do it. But I just don’t. I haven’t yet. Not yet.


The apartment is shaping up. About a third of the living room is filled with empty boxes I have to take down to recycle. I take a cart full every time I go out. I haven’t gone out except to run errands and do Drive Up and Go at Safeway. I don’t like grocery stores. Shopping isn’t something I enjoy much any longer at all. I do most things online.


I did go to TJ Maxx and buy these To Die For pink wine glasses with blue stems. But I don’t drink wine. They’re not ideal for bubbly, but oh well. They’re lovely. I Love Pink.


OK. Well all well and good then. Things are coming along nicely. I wouldn’t say I was happy, but I’m certainly not anxious – not one bit. And I’m not depressed. Big Wins. I had a rough couple of days when my CPAP was out of order, but I got that fixed yesterday morning and so I’m back to regular sleep. Thank God.

Tabitha December 23, 2023


Oh – here’s Big News. My brother called today. He’s at his wits end with mom. In just 10 days! He told me three times he understands why I left. That’s very validating but gives me no real satisfaction. What would have been helpful is for him to have been there for me when I needed him, when it might have made a difference. But he wasn’t. Yet, according to my niece, he didn’t have the capacity to be there for me. She called it “remote caregiver burnout”. Well, my caregiver burnout wasn’t remote, it was Up Close and Personal. And it was ugly.


Alas.


That’s all over now. Thank God. I can breathe.


I Persevere. And life goes on.

Grace Memorial Episcopal Church, Portland Oregon


But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.


2 Corinthians 12:9


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