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  • Writer's picturecocodensmore

I’ll never give up believing I will be better.

October 31, 2020

So, this Canadian fellow I keep trying to sabotage things with, he keeps sticking on. But he gave me the “I just want to be friends” speech today. All good. That’s what I want too, actually. It’s too hard, too scary to think about any kind of future. One day at a time.

He is full of shit, however. “We live in two different countries, there’s no way we could ever be together. It just wouldn’t ever happen,” he said, trying to sound convincing. I was appropriately agreeable, but then I thought about it, and it’s horse shit.

“It does occasionally happen, that people meet each other, realize they are meant to be together for long term, and manage to get together even though they live in different countries,” I said. “It does actually happen sometimes. And my philosophy is, why would you ever rule out a possibility before you’re even presented with that possibility? It’s just like people online say they’re not looking for anything long term. How do you even know that until you’ve met someone and have gotten to know them? Anyway. Don’t read anything into that other than what I just said. It’s kind of my life philosophy. I’m not saying it pertains to us.

I try to live my life expecting serendipitous things to happen, and they do. With all my struggles, my life is incredibly rich, the relationships I have with my friends are incredibly rich. And I count you among those."

I guess I do believe in fairy tales and happy endings. Because although I’ve never had my grande finale, I’ve had some incredibly wonderful things happen to me in my life. Some might call it wishful thinking, but I call it hope, and faith. I don’t always see good things coming, because no one can see the future. But I know, beyond a doubt, there are good things coming. My life has proven that out. I’ll never give up hope life will improve. I’ll never give up believing I will be better.

Men are such silly gooses sometimes. But they’re pretty wonderful beings, all in all. I think I’ll keep some in my life. If nothing else, for entertainment purposes.



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