I have to write then take a Klonipin and lie down and breath. It's so hard so hard.
July 15, 2017
I’m going to move when my lease is up. My apartment is too expensive. I don’t have a landing spot yet. And I need to do something a bit less stressful and taxing of my analytical mind for a bit. I just don't have the brain function I need to do the work I have been doing for 30 years. Or I would not have failed three times in the last year. I have to make a change - be it temporary or long term. But definitely temporarily.
I've always wanted to work in an antique shop or a bead store. And my big dream is to open a bead store/antique store/used book store/espresso stand when I retire. But heck, if I can do something like that now, how awesome would that be!
I did get the bare bones of a memoir finished while I was doing my time. It's nothing like I originally started. It's not going to be exclusively about my sexual liaisons, although they will be included. I think I might tone them down. Or maybe not. What the fuck. I want to be real. Plus, look at that 50 Shades of Grey shit! Sex sells.
The central theme is going to be my bipolar illness and my father's sexual abuse. Just the sexual abuse is far more raw than any of the adult sex stuff. It was so hard to write. So hard. And I'm not done yet either. I've got lots more to document. I have to write then take a Klonipin and lie down and breath. It's so hard so hard.