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  • Writer's picturecocodensmore

How to hate on people with herpes and pretend you're not:


There's something weird about your profile...


That’s not at all surprising and in fact very encouraging. I take it as a compliment! Would you like to expand on that?


A profile about one thing promoting one website (yours).

Posts about loving Tinder and having herpes is weird af and looks bad on Tinder’s part.

I don't care about people having herpes if they aren't sex partners. It's weird you have an entire website, write on another website, and a separate reddit all dedicated purely to herpes, dating, and some bipolar. It's like your whole life.

It kinda breaks my heart. Surely there is more to you than illness and dating, right?


Tinder looks bad because there are people on tinder that have herpes? It’s ok to have herpes as long as you don’t have any sex partners? Should people with herpes wear a scarlet H so when they approach a crowd people can yell “UNCLEAN!”? It kinda breaks my heart you feel that way. Maybe if you read the herpes educational blog post, you’d understand how common herpes is and how you’re adding to the stigma by making such assertions.


Tinder looks bad because it has users saying, "I have an incurable STD and I love Tinder, a website known for hookups!" Not a hot look. Same thing if you had HIV or were always talking about other STDs in the same way.

Imagine a chef going, "I love dumpster diving and I'm a chef!" There isn’t anything wrong with either of these things but raises eyebrows when put together.

You misread my comment. I don’t care about anyone having herpes unless I’m having sex with them. Why would I care if my bestie has it? My neighbor? Anyone? It’s for extra protection. You should disclose that to frequent partners or while having an active outbreak. I hope you do op.


You’re still not getting it. You’re still adding to the stigma.


...that people with herpes are regular people and should disclose their status to frequent partners and during outbreaks?

That’s a stigma I will happily stand by. CDC agrees


You and me both SISTER! Except why would you assume I don't disclose WHEN I HAVE A BLOG DEVOTED TO MY HERPES JOURNEY AND I SPEAK OPENLY ABOUT IT ON REDDIT?

I was chatting with friends about why I've let you get under my skin. And one of them said, "Because stupid people make you angry." That.

And here's a link to a YouTube video about herpes testing. Watch it, then go get tested. Chances are very high you have HSV-1 and/or HSV-2. Then we can hang out in the dumpster together and hope someone throws us some McDonald's fries!


Nowhere did I say you didn't disclose?

Stop making yourself angry then 🤣

Edit: I’ve had VZV. I don't get cold sores or anything like that.


I'm not angry anymore, I'm entertained. You're giving voice to every person with the attitude that herpes is a horrible monster of a disease, that people with herpes shouldn't be allowed to have normal, happy, healthy sex lives, that people with herpes wantonly spread the disease, and that they don't deserve to participate in online dating sites for "normal people" (translation: people without herpes), AND YOU CONTINUE TO ADD TO THE STIGMA WITH EVERY REPLY.


My dating site profile description always discloses I have herpes. I’m public. About having bipolar too. I guess I should wear a scarlet H AND a scarlet B.

Having sex with someone that has herpes is dumpster diving. That’s what you’re saying.


Found the catch. You're a negative Nancy.

No I did not say that.

Also said there is nothing wrong with dumpster diving. The US wastes so much food, divers are pretty much MVPs at recovery.

But go on and tell me how using protection when sleeping with someone with herpes is "stigma" lol.

I have not edited any posts. Please quote me where I said herpes was a horrible disease.


You. Are. Still. Not. Getting. It.


What is there to get? People with herpes are people. But they are more than their herpes.


“Edit: I’ve had VZV. I don't get cold sores or anything like that.”

And there you go again!!! What is your "between the lines" message in saying: "I don't get cold sores or anything like that." You didn't read the herpes educational blog post. Up to 90% of people with herpes (of any type) are asymptomatic for life.


I'm 1000% amused I asked you a question out of concern (your life isn't revolved around this, right?) and you turn it into me being against people with herpes as if I could give the teeniest tiniest fuck lol.

This is a bipolar sub. As a diagnosed bipolar person, I'm sure you're aware of hyperfocus and such.

All I said is "who cares if I'm not sleeping with you?" OP I do not care that you have herpes. I do not care if anyone has herpes. I DO care when someone says they’re bipolar and they post about only one subject for months on end. Should we stop you and suggest you see your doctor or is this a profile for sharing a blog (borderline spam?) While I enjoy internet arguments I have to stop for clarity. It isn't right to egg on a person I suspect might be sick.

With that said, OP are you ok? Like for real? Dead serious in asking.


I think I'm doing OK. I have my struggles. But I'm pushing on through. Thanks for asking.

I'm 1000% amused you attempt to disguise your hating as concern. And I'm thrilled we've had this exchange, because it will be my next blog post on the blog that I do promote, quite shamelessly, in a attempt to educate people with herpes (and bipolar) that they are not alone, that their fear of ostracization is valid because THE STIGMA IS REAL, and people like yourself are an excellent example of why people like me can, should, and will continue to speak out, LOUDLY AND PUBLICLY, against the types of ignorant misinformed opinions you're spouting. Yes, the ALL CAPS ARE ME YELLING. Can you hear me now?


Alright well I'm gonna go spend time with my hsv friends and you keep telling yourself I'm against you...a stranger...for no real reason.


I will. Fight the good fight "Glad Reaper"!

Wait wait...

You just said, "Alright well I'm gonna go spend time with my hsv friends..." Why would you classify your friends as "hsv" vs. "non-hsv"??? And you keep saying it doesn't matter to you, that you don't care if people have herpes. Referring as such to your "hsv" friends is like a racist saying, "I have black friends".


Ouch dude. Never called you out of your name or anything. Hope you copy paste the chat as is.


Yes, the chat will be copied and pasted as is. Because the ignorance you spout speaks for itself and you prove the point, over and over and over, that the stigma is real and extremely pervasive. As a writer, however, I will be correcting spelling and grammar.


Dude what is wrong with you? Are you sure its not bpd and not bp? Like no matter what I do its negative to you.


I suspect I also have BPD but have never been officially diagnosed.

Why are you calling me "Dude"? I'm a woman! Thought that was obvious by now. I suppose calling me "Dude" is your way of further marginalizing me. Yes, no matter what you do, it comes across as negative towards me, BECAUSE IT IS!


Holy shit. My bad Karen. I'm from California where literally everything in existence is a dude.

Edit: if you need proof that you aren't being "victimized" I frequent my local sub too r/sacramento.


I said marginalized, not victimized. And it's clear you're using "dude" to further marginalize me, because you've already used "Negative Nancy" and "Karen". And all I've done is refer to you as ignorant!!! Sheesh Glad Reaper! Where's the Glad???



It's in your misery that you hide behind your smiles. Having someone lose their shit over being challenged is amazing.

You are not being marginalized. I don't give a shit about your herpes. You don’t like my California style which is fine but to say you're being marginalized? Textbook Karen.

Here's a new name.

Bye Felicia


So, you're done now? Oh good. Because I really need to get this written up and posted on my blog! I'll send you the link shortly!


Is that why you don't accept comments? Lots of challengers?


So, you know enough about my blog to notice I didn't set it up for comments, but you didn't read the Herpes Educational blog post, because it's clear you don't know what you're talking about. And I think, pretty clearly, I'm accepting comments here, and responding to them. Pick an argument, Glad Reaper, and stick with a logical line of reasoning. It will help prove your point. However disparaging of people with herpes your point may be.


I did. You're a good writer. Not that it would matter because everything I say is negative to you lol.

I read your article on The Mighty as well.

I read enough to notice a difference between when you first wrote and recent articles. I read your profile. As I said before, there is some concern but whatever.

Again do not care if you or anyone else has herpes. Something like scabies? Yeah get away. Herpes? Don't really care. It won't affect friendships in any way, shape, or form.

Edit: the worst part about you is I agreed with you on every aspect. I had suspicion your profile may be fake or a manic person posting repetitively. Doesn't matter still a bitch lol.


OK. I'll leave you now. I have to go to the dietician. Because in addition to having herpes and being bipolar, I am very obese. I Persevere. And life goes on.

Thank you for calling me a good writer. That means the world to me.

But there was some love:

Sorry you're getting hate on this, OP. Seems the stigma around STDs is still thriving. I had a partner with herpes, and she was very worried about telling me, sadly. Of course it wasn't a problem for me, and as you know, it's easily manageable in terms of sex.. Good to hear you're doing your bit to reduce prejudice, this discussion shows that it's very much needed.

And a conversation with a friend:


That’s the kind of stuff I don’t like to deal with with people. There’s so much stigma around it that people don’t even realize how bad the stigma is and how much they are contributing to it by having those attitudes. That is a more common mindset for people than most people realize. Unfortunately, I think the only thing that will change their mind is getting it, and then seeing what it’s all about. That’s why everybody has such a strong reaction to finding out that they were one of the unlucky ones who happened to draw that card. It is literally earth shattering for most people.


Yeah. The conversation has continued and it will be another educational blog post! Otherwise I would’ve quit playing, or I wouldn't have played at all. But it’s too important for people, not just people with herpes, but all people, to understand this is the kind of bullshit that goes on that makes people with herpes or mental illness feel like shit.

I was really pissed off at first. But I’m public, I’m gonna get this shit all the time. Bring it. I’m really glad to be having this conversation with this person. The bad things make me better. She doesn’t realize it, but she’s trying to shut me down when in reality she is providing material for me to educate.

That wit war wore me out...

I Persevere. And life goes on.



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