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  • Writer's picturecocodensmore


There’s a dating site for every fetish. Seriously. Every fetish.

I wasn’t sure if I should include this chapter because I don’t really have any fetishes, so I can’t speak to the subject personally. My firm rule is no pain no degradation. But in my online dating experiences, I’ve met some men who do have fetishes, and I find them fascinating.

It’s important to recognize the difference between fetishes and preferences. For example, a man who prefers very large women does not have a fetish, it is simply a physical preference. A man may enjoy being with a much older woman. That’s a preference. One for which I’m most thankful. Smile. A man who enjoys role playing as a cop doesn’t have a fetish, he just enjoys role playing as a cop. Which, by the way, can be very fun. Especially if there’s a hat involved. Wink.

A fetish is sexual desire that is abnormally associated with a particular activity, object, body part or bodily fluid. There is much more to it than that, but that’s the gist.

My take on fetishes is this: If it’s not illegal, and no one is involved in anything dangerous, degrading, or painful to which they have not consented, go for it.

I think people with fetishes are absolutely fascinating. When I have been able to, when the fetish hasn’t been too difficult for me to talk about, I’ve put on what I call my “investigative journalist hat” and pummeled them with questions. I have found if I can deliberately suspend judgment, I can learn so much about people and about human sexuality. I find it exceptionally interesting to learn how a particular fetish came about.

OK, so I just looked up the most common fetishes and role playing is one of them. My bad!

Photo by Reba Spike on Unsplash

*An excerpt from my book, Empowered Online Dating, available on Amazon.

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