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  • Writer's picturecocodensmore

Enough About the Ex Already!

Major pet peeve of mine. I don’t want to hear bad shit about your ex on our first date. Especially if you have children. Because if you’re bad mouthing your ex to me, you’re probably bad mouthing your ex in front of your kids and that just sucks. Kids shouldn’t have to choose between their parents. They should never be put in that position.


Furthermore, if he’s talking that way about his ex, and we don’t work out, how is he going to talk about me? Is this how he talks about women in general, because he thinks women are all bitches because he’s been hurt?


Both men and women can fall into the trap of punishing their current partners for their past partner’s behaviors. I always jump on a woman for making the statement, “All men are pigs.” They absolutely are not! And shame on you for saying that! Because how do you feel when men say, “All women are bitches.” You feel ANGRY. So don’t do that and don’t put up with that! Not cool, not smart.


After I’ve gotten to know my date, I might ask why his last relationship didn’t work out. But I still don’t want to hear him talk really ugly about his ex. If she did horrible things, he can tell me. If I ask. But if he’s having a really intense negative emotional response when he’s recounting all the ways in which he feels he was victimized, I’m not going to pursue relationship with him. Because I don’t want to deal with his lingering anger and bitterness. That shit wears me out. And I deserve better.


*An excerpt from my book How To Do Single With Dignity & Grace, available on Amazon.

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