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  • Writer's picturecocodensmore

Dear Jeff’s Wife,

I read your comment early this morning. I was shocked. Gobsmacked actually. And I scrambled to block you and remove the comment.

But I’ve been thinking about it all day. I feel compelled to provide you a hearing. I unblocked you and I am posting your comment here with my response.

I concur with everything you said except one thing. You said it is not realistic for me to wish for forgiveness.

Wanting forgiveness has nothing to do with being realistic. Wanting forgiveness is about wanting absolution which paves the way for freedom from the self-condemnation to which we succumb when we know we’ve made a grave mistake that has harmed others greatly. And yet forgiveness is not contingent on receiving it from another.

It’s logical and human to want forgiveness from those whom we’ve wronged but unrealistic to expect we’ll receive it. I don’t expect to receive it. I do believe when we put the desire for forgiveness out into the world, when we recognize our culpability and are repentant, self-forgiveness and healing follow.

Your condemnation is well warranted, and at one time may have taken me down hard. Yet where I am now, I will not receive it. To protect my forward momentum it is critical I take responsibility for what I must and no more.

I have attained a strength of character I lacked six years ago. I know that, however it is not required I convince anyone else of my truth nor do I have the power to do so.

I wish you healing.


“She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful.” -Terri St. Cloud



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