August 9, 2024
I met my niece, Jayne, when she had just turned four. My brother was dating her mother, and like any young couple experiencing new love, they wanted to spend all their time together. I was charmed by this precocious little woman, and she began spending weekends with me.
Jayne was, and still is, an old soul. Even as a child, she said the most profound things, often causing me to reevaluate my own assessments and my own judgment. She had my number and she taught me important things about myself. She very simply always spoke her truth. I was then, and still am, in awe of Jayne. She is hands down my most favorite person in the world. I adore her.
When she was little, like most kids just being kids, she’d get in trouble sometimes. Her mother would chastise her, rarely raising her voice. She was very gentle with Jayne when she was little. As expected, Jayne would throw a fit about being disciplined for something she didn’t believe she deserved to be disciplined for.
Sometimes I’d witness these exchanges. Her mother was not a harsh disciplinarian, and they were very close, so any disapproval she received from her was devastating. Jayne had an incredibly tender heart, but that didn’t stop her from doing some of the thoughtless and inappropriate things children do simply because they’re children. She was never intentionally cruel, but she was definitely mischievous. With brazen confidence, she’d routinely test the reasonable and appropriate boundaries her mother had set. I’d see the necessity of her being taken to task, but I also felt that little girl’s pain at being disciplined by a beloved parent. I’d sit quietly, watching, following her into her room to comfort her while she lay on the bed crying her heart out.
She’d explain to me why she didn’t think she deserved to be punished. Even at the age of four, she consistently presented intelligent and compelling defenses. I’d sometimes attempt to interpret her mother’s perspective, but after a while, I just decided to share my tried and true strategy.
My response to being wrongly accused is very simple; I don’t explain myself; I don’t make excuses. I speak my truth and leave it. Why?
Because character speaks for itself.
Furthermore, when confronted, if I know I was wrong, I apologize. Once. I don’t apologize over and over in an effort to change someone’s perception of me. If I say I’m sorry, I am sorry, and there should be no question about my sincerity. I speak my truth and leave it. Why?
Because character speaks for itself.
My brother and Jayne’s mother’s marriage did not end well. There was major ugliness and a protracted custody battle. During her early adolescence, Jayne and her mother were separated. Jayne was devastated and entirely focused on reuniting with her mother. It was hard for me, because I believed she was better off with my brother, but in retrospect, that really wasn’t my call to make. A young woman knows her own heart, and although I believed the environment with her mother was not ideal, in the lookback, I don’t think her life with my brother would have been substantially better.
At 15, Jayne reunited with her mother in Texas, far from where I was in Washington. It was excruciating to be separated from my beloved niece, but I only wanted her to be happy. Those were not happy years for her, however. It wasn’t until she graduated high school and was out on her own that she was able to create a healthy and happy life. And she did just that. She married young, and she and her husband, her soulmate, recently celebrated their 17 year anniversary.
Three years ago, they began fostering, and now parent five children under the age of five. I’m very proud of the successes Jayne and her husband have achieved, meticulously creating a beautiful life for their young family. They’re doing the hard work, the good work, the work that matters most.
Jayne makes no apologies; she makes no excuses for the choices she’s made and how she lives her life. Why?
Because character speaks for itself.
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