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  • Writer's picturecocodensmore

At some point, coming up in the elevator probably, the threshold had been crossed and conquered.



June 23, 2018


The first time with Jeff was… searching for a description. I’ll have to come back to this later.


I went down in the elevator to pick him up in the lobby. We smiled at each other, me anxiously and shyly — if you can imagine that. His smile was smirky, knowing. Maybe that’s how I interpreted it. Because I’m certain now he was every bit as unsure and anxious as I was.


He pushed me against the back of the elevator and kissed me, hard, long. That was probably the only time he ever kissed me hard and long. “I’m not much of a kisser,” he told me once. It’s true. Much later, I teased him about getting him the book French Kissing for Dummies.


We sat on the couch in my apartment. I was completely conflicted, my arms crossed solidly over my breasts. He tried to touch me, I was apprehensive. He does this thing… whenever I act reticent, or emotional, he says “I’m going to leave”. Of course I say “No No No! I’m OK!” So he stays. And I have to cool it. Which is very hard for me! So that happened.


We went into my room. I couldn’t have intercourse. I just couldn’t. I was so mixed about getting involved with him. I so knew it would bring me nothing but guilt and pain. But I was so empty, and he was so hot on me. I couldn’t let it pass. I didn’t have the strength, the will, to do the right thing. And he was in my apartment. It was time to follow through. These are the things that raced through my mind. At some point, coming up in the elevator probably, the threshold had been crossed and conquered. Now it was simply a matter of negotiating, largely non-verbally, the rules of the affair.


I took off my shirt, no bra. But I left my pants on. I started with my mouth. I do very well with my mouth. He slipped his hand down the back of my pants, feeling me. He said something about my ass, I can’t remember. I took my mouth off of him and smarted, “It’s like there’s another person back there”. He laughed. With laughter comes release. The anxiety dissipated.


I had a work call, so I had to stop and get on the phone. He finished in my room. I could see him kneeling on my bed, rocking rapidly. Then he came out and asked me for a towel.


“Wait, come here.” He walked over to me and I ran my finger through the cum on his belly. The evidence bliss was achieved.


I was still on the call when he left.


“I have learned all kinds of things from my many mistakes. The one thing I never learn is to stop making them.” -Joe Abercrombie

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