March 6, 2023
My father was sexually abusive.
I spent some time in a psych hospital in 2017, and was able to record many of the abuse episodes. It was helpful, painful as fuck, but helpful.
For most of my life, my family told me I imagined things, that my father couldn’t possibly be capable of what I claimed, that I was dramatic at best, a liar at worst. I was neither. I was honest and it was real. But to this day, there is a sliver of me that wonders if my recollections are valid. Logically, there’s no doubt. A girl of seven knows of none of the things my father taught me. It’s incomprehensible for a child to know of such things.
There is a better way. This is how I would have shared my truth had I had a daughter.
Summer 2017 Writings from the Nuthouse
After my dad explained sex to me, somehow he got the idea if was ok to talk to me about sex all the time, as if I could handle the topic, as if I could make sense of what he was telling me, as if I had any context within which to frame what he said. Of course I had none of that.
A girl should experience the unfolding of sexual mysteries as she matures, naturally, over time. More complex subject matter layers over a growing understanding. There are some shocks, but the building content provides the child with a frame of reference. That, coupled with an open relationship with her mother, allows her to ask questions, receive only the information she needs to gain a proper perspective and understanding, and move forward confidently.
When a woman becomes an adult, she is then adequately equipped to make mature and informed choices about her sexuality. She need not make choices out of fear, lack of self-esteem, or pressure from a partner. Her choices are based on who she knows herself to be and how she chooses to act. She has a sense of control and a full understanding of her sexual power.