June 1, 2021
You can spend your whole life trying to understand why you made a particular choice. It seems so easy, on the face of it, to spend a bit of time introspecting, and really get to the heart of why.
If you’re at all self-aware, it’s easy to identify your motive, at least your primary motive. If you’ve had a bit of therapy, or even if you haven’t, you can see how trauma and abuse may have figured into your decision.
You can assign moral weight to what you did. That’s what we all like to do best. Judge our choices. Judge ourselves.
With the luxury of time, it becomes clearer. In the lookback, the threads of your experiences weave a pattern that show a predictable conclusion.
But none of that ever gets you to the end of the question “why”. Because you can never see the entirety of what set you on a particular path. You can never see all of it. Not all of it at once. Never.